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Archive for January, 2010

The Shepherd Story

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in an Armani suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the shepherd, “If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?”  

The shepherd looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answers, “Sure. Why not?”  

The young man parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his AT&T cell phone, surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.  

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored.  

He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with hundreds of complex formulas. He uploads all of this data via an email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out  a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the shepherd and says, “You have exactly 1586 sheep.”  

“That’s right. Well, I guess you can take one of my sheep,” says the shepherd.  He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused  as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.  

Then the shepherd says to the young man, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give him back to me?”  

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, “Okay, why not?”  

“You’re a consultant,” says the shepherd.  

“Wow! That’s correct,” says the young man, “but how did you guess that?”  

“No guessing required,” answered the shepherd. “You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew; to a question I never asked; and you don’t know crap about my business. 

Now give me back my DOG.”

Disclaimer: This is a forward receiven on my mail. I am not the writer/author of the above mentioned content.

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Letter from Banta Singh to Mr. Bill Gates

 

Subject: Problems with my new computer

 

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,

 

We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice:

 

1. There is a button ‘start’ but there is no ‘stop’ button. We request you to check this.

 

2. One doubt is whether any “re-scooter” is available in system? I find only “re-cycle”, but I own a scooter at my home.

 

3. There is ‘Find’ button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this ‘find’ button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.

 

4. My child learnt ‘Microsoft word’ now he wants to learn ‘Microsoft sentence’, so when you will provide that?

 

5. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows ‘My Computer’: when you will provide the remaining items?

 

6. It is surprising that windows says ‘MY Pictures’ but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.

 

7. There is ‘MICROSOFT OFFICE’ what about ‘MICROSOFT HOME’ since I use the PC at home only.

 

8. You provided ‘My Recent Documents’. When you will provide ‘My Past Documents’?

 

9. You provide ‘My Network Places’. For God sake please do not provide ‘My Secret Places’. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.

 

Regards,

Banta

 

Last one to Mr. Bill Gates: Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but you are selling WINDOWS?

Disclaimer: This is a forward received on my gmail and has not been written by me.

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Recently an incident that occured in my life could have actually placed me out of my cushy, nice, smug job…..I began the day working from home as I was unwell and I began my day by starting with the Twitter account. I read an article that was speaking about an NGO that was involved with some scam for forgery…I commented on the article but the twitter handle on which i commented (was some other company. not the one who had done forgery). The company thought that I was maligning them. So the associate vice president tracked my Linkedin profile and sent me a mail with regard to the same. I got a shock of my life and immediately went to repairing the damage done. I took off the tweets and also sent a mail to the VP that I had commented on the article link mentioning the relation of the comment.

Now when all this was over the final mail came from the VP stating that we were connected through the original company who I work for….(meaning they are clients at my original company) gosh…this gave me a start….Anyway the damage control was done and there was no need to worry. I have the VP in my Linkedin contacts and we are soon going to partner with them for the NGO also…So Damage control plus business opportunity…I really can be a magnet that attracts trouble….lol…

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Most of us have been rarely deprived of the luxuries let alone basic necessities. Do we really think before buying a chocolate say a Rs5 dairy milk. I would say most of us would never even think about it…we would just go buy and eat the chocolate….

However, there is a segment of society or children who actually think before buying a chocolate. They actually think that the Rs5 would help them buy a pencil or an eraser…How many times we spend money without even thinking twice…especially on the New trendy Reebok shoes (Min cost Rs5,000) that your friend is wearing….on the cadbury chocolates, hersheyy chocolates, etc, etc..The list goes on and on…..

So shouldn’t we start thinking before we spend money lavishly on luxury items…where a Rs5,000 could actually help sponsor 10, tenth std kids fully pay up for their fees and practical exam fees…Imagine what yeoman service we would be doing…..

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I am touched

There is a co-worker in my office who has his 1 year old son suffering from a brain clot, mother suffering from a pancreatic disorder and so on….You will wonder why i am describing him…cause he really touched my conscience when i got to know that despite being affected he works so efficiently and provides the necessary output…always with a smile on his face….

Not only this, when i got to know that his financial background is weak…and despite that he has adopted a girl child (amongst his relatives) whose parents died in an accident…brought a tear rolling down my cheek…
How wierd that when we have everything we end up cribbing about small things that we don’t have right…and when we look at people that really are going through so many things stand like a rock…

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Though i have been working as a volunteer co-ordinator for the past one and a half year…This has never occurred with me… First of all the potential volunteer who we wanted to take onboard wanted to see the schools and interact with the kids…That was fine with me as it is generally a usual procedure that we follow before a volunteer joins in…Now comes the funny part…when i met this guy…name not disclosed on purpose…cause he might shoot me if he comes to know..Says “I thought you were an old 40-50 year lady running an NGO, till i spoke to u…when i spoke to u i felt ur some school or college going girl…” This came as a rude but pleasant suprise…ok…next this person begins…”I can contribute a lot…and went on and on and on” (I thought “Ok..will he just stop and let me know what his POA ..plan of action is or just continue with the i can do loads, etc, etc”…)… One thing i have learnt over the past few years is let them first work and then judge what their capabilities are…cause many people keep on saying “i’ll do this and that and never end up doing any thing” So i got a little skeptical about this guy….
Though very helpful as he seemed lets see what he gets….on board…Now comes the second jhatka….He says “what do u do on weekends…”..I thought “the ngo part was all fine..but now what has he got do do with , what do i do on weekends?. so i said NGO work duh plus family and friends meeting up, house chores, etc, etc, reading, watching muv’s, etc”…To this he replies “We should meet up sumtime… ur an interesting person…whose into lots of activities…I would like to know u better…”..These statements put me off guard “I was about to wonder was this guy insane or over friendly or wat…i was almost going to burst into a fit of laughter and say…hey dude the ngo is not a dating service to meet interesting people…find ur space somewhere else…gosh…kya namune hote hai….Anyway…cutting the long story short…this was quite hilarious and I had a good laugh…though it is wrong…but i couldn’t help it…come on…take it with a pinch of salt…

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