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Archive for April, 2012

The eternal calm

Technically I enjoy this state – the eternal calm. Earlier I used to get tensed about every small thing in life, whether it was related to work or even my personal life. Eventually someone said, you will always face challenges. It doesn’t mean you get tensed over every small thing. Learn to have some strong set of nerves. You need to look at things differently. Don’t personalize events or situations. This helps one think out of the box at trying times. Find solutions and reach the desired destination.

These set of words have stuck with me for more than 8 months and I have actually put them into practice. As of now I have a list of incidents which I tackled with extreme calm and was able to achieve the desired result. It takes a lot of patience to reach even halfway but I am happy to do so. Now my remainder journey is expected to begin. At the end of this, I believe a change forever will take place. A state of eternal calm. The state where I am not a slave to my emotions but I can control them to achieve what I have set out to do. As they say “Don’t be a slave to your emotions”.

Emotions are a gateway to let people play on your insecurities and take undue advantage of you. ๐Ÿ™‚

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I have been born and brought up in a bungalow, though now we have shifted to a flat. I still wish to return to a bungalow format, cause it gives you the freedom to design your house the way you feel like. A flat is restrictive in a number of ways.

The look and feel of the house would be country side from the exterior. I have always been fascinated by the look. Though it could be tweaked to the modern times, still a country look.

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Now let us get to the detailing of the inside rooms. Firstly, I wish to get a four bedroom house plus a big drawing room, a patio, a small garden, a massive wardrobe, a kitchen and a prayer room. I guess that should be pretty much it.

As we enter the house we should come across the drawing room. The drawing room should have a television plus a seating arrangement, no clutter plus should give a warm welcome feeling to an outsider.

Once we cross the drawing room, we enter the prayer room. The prayer room should have an ethereal look, that signifies divinity. Though the lighting and arrangement should be typically mentioned in the photo, I would need a window and a bit bigger space.

Past the prayer room, now we have an entry to the Four bedrooms, one the main bedroom, the other a kids room (If i get married), one for the inlaws or my parents and the remaining for guests.

My bedroom will have the following look. The first light to wake you up with a sky view. The sky view is very important cause I have always been fond of star gazing. So we could loose the cream black pattern in the photo with a more transparent sky view ๐Ÿ™‚ The colour would be certainly white. I love white and black. Book shelf a must, I read at night plus a bed side lamp.

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Adjoining to my room will be a wardrobe. Mom says I am a collector of good things. I have always wished to have a big wardrobe. And not too high, cause I am not very tall within my reach.

Once we get past the bedroom, we come across the kids room. Though not more than one kid. More lighting, a study table, a book shelf, etc.

Once we go past the kids bedroom, comes the parents room, the kids room will be positioned between my room and the grandparents cause in case anyone needs anything at night we are approachable.

Now the parents room, simple and less congested. No marble flooring or anything, cause when you are old, you tend to fall, a window cause elderly people like to gaze out of the window, a tv in their room, in case they can’t walk too much. One never know what old age brings.

Then this will be followed by the guest room. Past the guest room comes the Patio and the garden, another reason for the Patio near the parents room, elderly people like to take a walk they like to spend time in the surroundings. Though all the rooms are going to be on one floor, no stairs please. Similarly, kids like to play, the garden should be approachable.

The Patio should overlook the garden, Patio should be covered as even during rains or a cold season, one can sit in the sunlight plus sip a hot cup of tea or coffee and read the newspaper. Although the garden should have greenery, it should be an equitable mix of gravel plus a small lawn, not too much cause it becomes difficult to maintain. But a few open spaces where one can grow flowers. I would not prefer a swimming pool, cause it becomes a bit dangerous at times. Although a fish tank in the Patio would be more than welcome. I would love to have one.

Now the second most important part of the house the kitchen, the kitchen should not be very complicated. I like it simple as am not tall, i would like things within my approach. I love to cook, so if I am going to spend time here, it better be nice. Btw I forgot to mention the first important room of the house the Prayer room, it is always the first important room. ๐Ÿ™‚

I guess we have covered most of the rooms, leaving aside the bathroom, ah, simple, non-slippery and the least complicated. No bath tubs cause they cause a lot of dirt and require high maintenance. Enough cabinets and space cause you need to place your washing machine, and other things.

In short a small and warm home. Nothing more than my dream house. Although a few changes in the color schemes might be needed.

Hope to achieve this dream and build this house and live in it when I am old. ๐Ÿ™‚

 

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Sometimes one comes across a number of people who are very shallow. What I mean by shallow is that you look at the car one drives, the looks that a person has, the diamond earrings or rings one wears or the restaurants one goes to, etc.

The list runs long, but this is how most of the people perceive you. Oh he/she is successful because he/she drives a Jaguar, owns a bungalow, spends lavishly, goes to the most expensive restaurants, etc. They are busy looking at ones’ status symbol. Most of the times people behave like that. It is very natural that you will follow the herd.ย 

For example, A girl X said he looks yuck who will even talk to him, to which I said how can you say such a thing you don’t know anything about the person. I just told her if he had a big car trust me, you would be all eyes for him. Ha ha. This is how the world works. They place more value on money than a human being.ย 

The other day me and my college girl friends were speaking and one of them is married into a so called rich house, the other one is not so well settled. This richie rich married female says, oh you know that we have such a big house that I get so tired taking care of it and you know I have five servants plus a chauffer to take me around, etc etc. The other friend started feeling uncomfortable about it. She started fidgeting with her stuff and just kept her mouth shut. After 15 mins of listening to ย her ranting, I just told her oh btw how is life other than the household you run. Other than the shopping and gossip what else have you been up to. She was speechless, I was like hey lets meet up some other time, i need to get back to some important things. So the long meeting cut short and saving the other friends ass, we left.

I wanted to say, if you have such a big house you can’t handle, move into a smaller one you can manage, and learn how to handle employees. Stop ranting. Phew. But this is like their conversation and it can get so boring.

Technically most of the society women behave in such a manner, if you want to see how a person will behave, just praise their Saree/dress, trust me they will be able to give you a 15 minute speech on the same. I used to try this gimmic at dads parties and my cousins and still do it with a few people around. It is quite entertaining. Especially, when you have women who have free minds. They will sit and compare who has more expensive things than the other. Oh yes you can laugh at the way they behave after meeting them, but while you are with them just nod and smile.

Trust me a person is not to be measured by the clothes he wears or the looks he has but by the person he/she is within. I know it sounds like Preaching but trust me it is better to be away from such shallow people. The ones who count their stuff, measure expensive things or even make another person feel small are highly insecure at the root level. They satisfy their insecurity by boasting about the things they own. Sometimes, it is fun to view such Namunas or items in life.

But somehow, i wonder, what if you lose all this material wealth would you still be the same. What matters is what is within a person not the exterior.

As my mom usually says, Don’t judge a person by the bank balance, judge the person by the nature he/she has and values within.

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Take a break yaar

Chi cha is my rakhi brother technically and he will bully you to an endless extent. Dude but he is a very sweet brother. The sad part is that a girl jilted him. We all felt very bad for him and it has been more than a year he has been unable to get over it.

He will listen to sad songs, sometimes get all sentimental and so on. His mom has been seeing girls for him to marry and he keeps refusing them. I understand that you were deeply involved but you can’t become a devdas till thy kingdom come.

You need to move on re. Dil ko bewkoof bana kar aage badho. You never know you might meet someone so good that the earlier choice might seem wrong. I am a true believer, everything happens for the best and we should not hold too much to the past.

I agree the girl was beautiful but she was equally chaloo, come on she used to use him plus a few other guys as well. Dude you dont’ need such a girl in your life. You need a girl that loves you and cares for you. And looks don’t last a life time. They fade..You need someone to be there for you during your highs and lows.

But anyway i know it will take time, i hope he gets over it soon and meets someone really nice. ๐Ÿ™‚

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Premonitions

Premonitions are technically defined as forewarning, a hunch, etc. The words fall short to describe it. But one wonders how helpful they can be and indicative of the future.ย 

It started around 2002, the first premonition that I witnessed. I can remember clearly. I was sleeping and it was 2am, I was dreaming that a snake was eating someone, couldn’t decipher who was that someone. Next day I heard that an uncle passed away at that time. Shaken to the core. I was crying in my sleep and woke up trembling.ย 

Thereafter, these indications intensified with each and every one coming true. This was followed by a premonition about a cousins daughter who drowned in a swimming pool in 2009. The surprising part was that I never spent too much time with this cousin or I am not very close to them.That was the worst, I still remember i had a very bad feeling that something was wrong and I was remembering my bhabhi and her kid all the while. ย In the evening her 2 year old daughter drowned and died. I wish I had called her up warned her. I feel I could have helped save her, but I couldn’t. I cried for days after that feeling miserable. I still feel guilty I could have saved her but then I realize if it has to happen it will happen. It is destiny.

Many a times in my dreams, I have a scene played out and after a few years the same thing happens. Exactly the same. Not a deviation.ย 

Other than that when my sister in law was expecting, i told her you are going to have a cute baby girl. She defied saying No I will have a son. But in Nov 2010, we had a new bundle of joy added to our family, my sweet little niece.ย 

When she was being born I had a very bad feeling that something was wrong, trust me it was 3pm in the afternoon, my palms were sweating, i was shit nervous almost in tears. I had a a prayer on my lips. My dad called me up at 4pm and said that jerk doctor would have got the baby killed. When I heard the baby was born safely and normal. I was overjoyed.

In my early years these premonitions used to unnerve me, scare me and even make me loose my calm. But over a period of time you come to terms with it. I have learnt that this is a part of my life and I have to accept it. When a premonition takes place i calm myself with a prayer. It has a soothing effect and your mind goes to a state of no thought.ย 

It has taken me 5 years to perfect that art, but now these premonitions no more scare me. Although praying daily is in my routine, no matter what time it is. It may be 2am in the morning or 5pm in the evening, I never miss that. I have learnt to deal with my emotions and premonitions, I don’t share them with anyone unless and until required. But it is good to know a lot of things in advance. ๐Ÿ™‚ย 

Sometimes, it feels like a de ja vu moment and I am sitting in a situation that has already taken place in my head and a smile is playing on my lips.ย 

I wonder how life presents things to me but forewarned is forearmed ย ๐Ÿ™‚

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I meet loads of people every month. In the form of new joinees or new volunteers. Over a period of time you learn how they will turn out and what course they will adopt. Sometimes I wonder I have come a long way. I used to be this stupid fool who took people on their face value without realising that they were taking me for a ride.

But eventually things changed ย for the better, I have learnt to read people better, understand what they need and where a conversation is leading to. Technically, i was the stupid kid who used to trust anything that the other person said. Though I am still raw in assessing people i have come a long way.

My mentor whom i admire has taught me a few lessons. She told me, when you meet people what do you need to look at:

1. The first vibe you get from the person (she had identified i have a very strong sixth sense, she said use it to your advantage)

2. Body language (very important to keep a check of the persons body language whether he/she is open to ideas, is willing or receptive, it is the best give away)

3. Eye contact, when a person is trying to evade you they will not meet your eyes. They will try to keep their eyes focused on other things. For example, a man who has shifty eyes will never be constant in his work. But a person who is going to be committed will meet your eyes.ย 

4. Give a short test to the person, by asking them to do something. If he or she does it you will know whether the person is dependable or not

5. Avoid sugar coated talk: A person who spews sweet words should technically not be trusted. It is better a person is direct.ย 

6. Avoid braggers: A person who claims “I will be able to do this, that and everything under the sun”. ย You can identify a bragger by the number of “I” they use while speaking. It is fun try it out..Dude such people never do anything they are all fart and no shit. ๐Ÿ˜› Most of the people who are workers are silent type. They work don’t faff too much. Identify them rightly.

7. Praise a person: This is another way to reveal a person, if you start speaking to a person how good he/she is, coming in the ego mode they will spill whatever is there. It works I have tried it ๐Ÿ™‚

8. Question the person: Always be in the question mode, have your plan ready what you need to ask. Keep the conversation light but incorporate what you want to ask. You need a lot of practice on this. Trust me, it took me like a year to come halfway on this..phew it was like trouble. But be careful if the person on the other end also follows the same mode, reveal minimum.

9. Establishing trust: Every partnership requires trust, if i say something and then don’t do that you have lost the trust. But build trust slowly, build a rapport, be more attentive to the other person. Wonderful relationships are ย built on trust. I have met a few very good people in the bargain.

10. Be a good listener: Girls usually speak more, trust me i can blabber for hrs. I have had to curb this. My mentor said, baby shut up and listen. Listening is contextual, so be careful about the nuances.

11. Never get annoyed or show your annoyance: Someone might just start blaming or speaking unwanted things. Just excuse yourself politely and then make a beeline for your vehicle.

12. Always have smile on your face when you meet people and give a firm handshake. Your countenance speaks a thousand words.

13. Dress well: No revealing clothes or clothes that show your body. Dress in a collared shirt or a salwar kameez. It shows you mean business. You can have deviations in the dressing sense, don’t overstep the formality, cause a person meeting you for the first time needs to feel comfortable around you.

14. Be knowledge-able: Don’t go unprepared to meet someone, people have varied tastes, they like to do different things. Be aware about all that goes around. This acts as a conversation opener or conversation sustainer.ย 

Oh the list runs long, but even if you can get all these things right together you are my man. ๐Ÿ™‚

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Me and uncle (mamaji) both laugh out loud. Oh it is real fun. Everyone at home says you are the only two apple of her eyes. I mean my grandmoms’ eyes. I know she is old, and is fond of both of us.

It is our duty to visit her every week, talk to her everyday and tell her how our day went. Sometimes we meet together. he he. ๐Ÿ˜‰ pre-planned by both of us. Then it is fun time, we both are to report to her on everything happening in our lives. She is adorable and old we don’t take things to heart.

She will begin with “Tu shaadi kar le, mere marne se pehlein” and I am like oh yes “Nani woh tomato soup banaya aapne, can I have some” or even better change the subject to something else.

My uncle is the target “Teri woti tera dhyaan nahi rkhdi” and we exchange looks and as she goes around to get things in place.ย 

We are like let us switch the topic to something nice like arey it is kirtan time, chalo switch it on ๐Ÿ™‚

In short she loves us a bit too much, we like it that she is around, bugs us at times or most of the times.ย 

But we have learnt to pacify her with what she wants to hear. Like when I go to office, I am supposed to return by 5pm. I am not permitted to drive, the driver will take you, etc. A few prohibitions. But if you have a project deliverable, you get late. So we devised a way that we call “Weaving a fairy tale”. I call her up and say am back at home. She is pacified and rests. Otherwise she will call you endlessly and ask you to return home. So you have to ask everyone to cover up your tracks.ย 

Similarly, she doesn’t like uncle travelling abroad very often, he goes every week, sometimes Singapore, Dubai, Doha, Kuwait, Australia, etc. So we say he goes to Singapore every time since it is nearby and a safer place. So we have a joke between us “When are you settling there and he is like don’t try being cheeky or else you know” We both will be in trouble. He will call me up to pass on the message that he has reached or left, etc.ย 

Sometimes you feel bad you have to do this, but we don’t have a choice, she gets over anxious and with age it has worsened. So keeping her happy is all you look at. ๐Ÿ™‚ Keeping our fingers crossed that things may always work…

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