Anger is technically defined as a natural emotion and emerges in situations when something goes haywire in our lives.
We usually see a lot of gyan floating around anger management, anger management tips, and techniques. How far are we able to implement them or even practice them? Most of the people who claim that we are calm behave contradictory to their belief.
So my fundamental question is:
Is it normal to react wildly, get wild, angry, throw tantrums, abuse the other person, and behave rudely?
or is there a better way to channel your energy into something more productive?
Here lies the choice one makes and this choice helps a person manage anger- become a saner and more level headed person. I won’t say that one needs to choose the first choice, though one would naturally opt for the easier one.
Who would you choose as a friend, a person who is level headed and calm or a person who gets annoyed and throws tantrums at the drop of a hat?
I guess the answer is obviously the calm and level headed person. But why would you choose such a person, because they don’t fly into a fit of rage when you say something, don’t overreact, don’t end up abusing or saying hurtful things, etc.
Keeping the rage supressed within you is not anger management. It will eventually surface in a wild reaction at some future point. This does not make you a calm person. On the contrary, it is only postponing your rage with a worse outcome.
I believe that addressing ones anger issues is normal and the first step is to identify why an incident or a person made you feel angry. A stranger on the road won’t make you go into a fit of rage, unless you are an extreme case of anger mismanagement.
After you have identified why you have become angry, you need to channel your energy into something productive.
Channelling your anger can be done with the help of adopting a rigorous exercise regime, eating chocolate or even listening to songs or even crying. These are tried and tested measures and they really help. A rigorous exercise regime is more rewarding at the end compared to the temporary methods mentioned.
Now moving onto managing an argument
It is difficult to manage an argument but not impossible. For example, you may speak to a person in a chatty way and he/she may respond rudely to you. The first reaction is to retort. But the other way is to just keep quiet at the moment, let them vent out. Listen to what the other person is saying. In case both the parties had ended up responding with anger, the situation would get worse. However, since one party does not respond in an angry tone the situation is well managed. It helps you handle conflicts well without severing relationships.
Imagine if A and B were speaking and suddenly the conversation turned into an argument, what would the result be. If both of them went into a fit of rage, A would blame B, B would blame A, they would even speak harsh words or even end up name calling and speaking things that would hurt each other’s egos, etc. When one gets angry your reasoning ability and senses reduce to zilch. You don’t seem to speak sense. But at the end of an argument, you realise one should not have said some things.
In short, if one party is angry, the other party has to remain silent at that moment, however, you can speak to the person once he/she calms down.
This seems easier said than done, but when you manage a large number of people you learn the art of anger and conflict management. One has to remain calm and level headed compared to blowing off their top at every instance.
Hence anger and argument management is essential no matter you are faced with personal or work related issues. As they say anger thrills but anger kills relationships (this is adapted from an English phrase).
In short anger can:
1. make you lose friends
2. Sever relationships with family
3. Make you lose a job
4. Get you into a lot of trouble
5. Make you look like a tantrum throwing person
6. Make people think you are a bad team player
7. Stigmatize you as a bad leader and so on
the list goes on 🙂 So good luck and manage that anger a tad better.
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